To Surrender and Accept

So one week complete.

This is the first session of my second semester.

I don't want to be negative, but things didn't exactly go so smashing and I don't see any sense in lying about it.

Thus far this has been the tamest session out here, with only one real exam at the end of next week. A few assignments due and a presentation. This should be a relief, and in all honestly this past week has been a vacation compared to life in Phoenix. Unfortunately, school has been a bit disconcerting. My tuition is significantly more than I had anticipated ($600) and my cohesion with the group is less than desirable.

I feel isolated and defensive. That may just me being sensitive and/or negative, but I have felt the need to defend my statements on more than one occasion and have been met with an equally defensive response to comments of mine.

I'm questioning if I am that just that poor of a communicator. This is important. I know that I do lack a certain amount of tact when I speak and this has been a reoccurring challenge throughout my life.

This is important, because as a midwife I need to be able to communicate with clients openly and honestly, with sincerity. I must not be convoluted, anxious or convey meanings that I do not intend. In particular, I must not be challenging.

My resolution of the year is to surrender judgment and embrace acceptance.

I think before I direct that resolve outwardly, I need to focus on myself for awhile.


In more fabulous news I found a copy of The VBAC Experience (written by my grandmother midwife Lynn Baptisti Richards) at the rare-book bookstore, savoured fresh chocolate walnut fudge from the local trading post and delighted in finding the best ever tea, Punjana, at Reni's.

Really. Life Is Good.