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Friday, September 21, 2012

panic

this unsettling feeling has been setting in the past few weeks. i haven't really wanted to acknowledge it. but maybe i should just give it a voice and then move on past it.

i'm terrified to be a midwife.
i'm terrified of the responsibility.
the obligation.
not having enough knowledge. not having the answers.
not being able to communicate effectively.
terrified that i don't know where i will practice. i mean. i don't even know what country or continent i will be living in ten months from now. 
terrified that if we do go back to canada that i won't get into the bridging program. that i won't be able to get licensed in canada and all of this was for naught. 
terrified that i won't be a good midwife. 

i think that i  am getting too comfortable in the role of the assistant. i think i am damn good at that. i'm terrified to move to the next level. 

OK. i said. those thoughts can move on now.

as you were. 


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

wednesdays are for suturing

practicing my knots tonight and labial tears.

sitting side by side with love watching movies and working. my choice. Chasing Amy. His choice. Anvil.