How SlutWalk changed my identity

so this is something new to me.

i have never labelled myself a feminist. i have never felt the need and  enjoyed the reaction i would get from people when i said this. especially feminist men.

growing up in anthropology. studying an engendered perspective of human history through archaeology, does not usually equate to a woman who does not identify as a feminist.

i grew up in a relatively safe community. i hated high school. never thought much of myself. somewhat abused by men growing up. all of which i allowed. potentially sought out. i never really stood up for myself.

most people today would see me as strong. independent. opinionated. an intrepid explorer, who rode for 50 hours in a vegetable truck with two Moroccan/Berber men through the western sahara, fearlessly.

they probably see me as a feminist.

i recently came across this article about SlutWalkToronto on Facebook and have not stopped thinking analyzing and reformulating my identity.

I haven't stopped having conversations with people about it.

The author of the article is a "traditional" feminist (excuse my ignorance of the variety of feminist labels).
SlutWalk is some sort of third wave post feminism, that as far as i can see are comprised of women who want to embrace their sexuality.

now in no way am i criticizing a woman's right to be sexy, but from what i am understanding, participants of SlutWalk are diminishing women who do not want to doll-up, call themselves sluts and walk over men. this may be a harsh and grilled down analysis, but there seems to be a lot of disconnection between these groups.

this is where i am lost. why are women calling each other disempowered because of differing few points? i don't see the value in attacking each other.

in my discussions with people on SlutWalk's "taking back" the work slut and claiming it as their own, the value in women identifying their power within their sexuality is questioned.

ok. stop. i have to say i like to feel sexy. i pluck my eye brows, i wear make-up, cute shoes, dresses. i can be a girl, dare i say WOMAN by societies stereotype and i can feel good in this role. there is nothing wrong with that. but i can go weeks without shaving my legs/armpits, i use natural deodorant my sister and i made on my stovetop. i don't manicure my yoni. well, maybe sometimes i'll trim, sometimes i'll shave. but to be honest, the shaving is because i would feel uncomfortable in a bathing suit. i know i'd be judged. not because i really think it needs to be done.

this is kinda important. it's been ingrained on me, on me as a woman, that i have to be hairless to be sexy, or really even to be considered to have good hygiene.

this is where i have claimed my place as a feminist.

beauty fades. intelligence and self respect for being comfortable in your own skin, no matter what that looks like, lasts forever.

what does my feminism look like?

• men and women are equally oppressed, by the "man"
• our world is not solely a dichotomy of man/woman. there are children and grandparents and genders that represent all colours of the rainbow.
• we have to stop fighting each other and look at who really has the power over us. government, business. healthcare. 

Becoming a midwife may be an innately feminist profession, but i don't see it as solely protecting the rights of women. families choose to birth at home (or out of hospital). a midwife protects and serves the familial unit, she may fundamental support the woman in all her decisions and needs, but that doesn't have to mean to the exclusion of "men".  it might look that way in some cases, but not all. 

I first met one of my best friends Jamie when her and her partner Peter came into our practice, transferring late to care after realizing bringing their child into this world with an OB in a hospital was not the right thing for them to do. they had some pretty crap experiences in that pregnancy. THEY DID.  

at the first appointment Shell held the doppler to Jamie's 38 week beautiful life giving belly. the room was silent and through the doppler was the strong beat of Ollie. Peter held Jamie's hand and cried. I cried. It was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. this wasn't just about jamie and her empowerment by birthing on her own, it was about sharing that experience with her partner. i think peter became empowered through that birth. 

if that is not a feminist belief, then well, think what you want of me. i'm comfortable with all the manifestations of my self that i may express. changing. day to day. 

The Maine Adventure Continues

Sitting at the airport in Portland with Shauntée waiting for Amanda and then Nadine to drive us for school. I'm happy that i got to spend the afternoon with Shauntée. I've missed her. Usually we skype of gchat more between classes so we're not the far apart, but we've both been so busy. We're sharing a room for the next two weeks so it's not like there won't be enough catch up time, but it's made the 5 hour wait at the airport more enjoyable.

The journey has been long and somewhat grueling with an apparent late onset development of strep throat (or at least probably the most painful sore throat i've had in my adult life). Gah. Hoping not in infect everyone.

I happy to see my sister students and to hopefully take the time to walk in the forest. It's a foggy, grey and humid day here in Portland. 57 degrees F. 

It's always tough leaving for school. I have to leave the practice, which makes me sad. To leave the mothers and the family of women that I work with.

I'm not sure if coming to school is the break or not, but this session I feel I have so many assignments due and presentations and exams that I'm not ready. 

Curious as to how everyone did this past "break"

We are all in very different practices. One of my sister students texted me yesterday to say she was on her way to a birth and hadn't packed yet! yikes. I'm wondering about the changes they've experienced, if they are taking on new roles and had any experiences that caused them to grow as midwives.

I feel this last clinical session for me had less births and more practice related focus. Which is good. There is more to being a midwife than just catching babies. I feel more confident in prenatals. 

I still have my focus. I have a lot to learn, to practice and to master. One step at a time.

Midwives Rising!

We are in our new office now and its amazing. We had our grand opening last weekend. It was so wonderful to share the space with the families and women around us that love us and want to create something special in central Phoenix.

The last month or so we've been focusing on organizing and revamping. Scrubbing and Painting. 

Midwives Rising! is what we are calling ourselves. Seems like so much more than just midwifery care, and it's so great that the community is really embracing our new space. The house is beginning to flow with mothers and babes throughout the week.

              

                          

                                                     

                      

                        

                                

Happy Mother's Day

i participated in a powerful labour last night. 


i don't think that i have ever felt so much strength coursing into me from another person.


my body hurts. sleep calls to me, but my mind can't stop. 


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a woman became a mother today.


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taking a moment to appreciate my own. 


love to all the mothers out there, for all you do and how beautiful you are.
your strength, your power is raw and real. 
your tenderness is what shapes who we are.
thank you.


xo

morning ramblings

So talking and thinking a lot lately about where i am and how i got here and where i want to go.

I know that i don't fit the mold of most birth enthusiasts. I'm not a wife, not a mother, have not been overly surrounded by birth throughout my life.

What I am though is a women who see's the world as a pretty messed up place.

Who knows why there is such an increase in allergies, cancers, deficiencies, autism, ADHD, etc., but i think the first place that we can correct any issues is by protecting pregnancy and birth.

As I have been apprenticing over the last two years I am developing a connection between the mother-baby bond and how I can protect that. In that pairing, I am still removed. Maybe one day I will be part of the trinity that includes the midwife, right now though I am content in observing this powerful connection a mother holds with her growing baby.

I came to midwifery in a very pragmatic way. I'm sure I've said this before, but it was a choice. Well it was a suggestion made to me that felt right, and once I accepted it within my heart the path opened to me with great ease.

I'm not sure if this makes me disconnected or more objective. Having not experienced birth that is. Never having felt the weight and movement in my womb of a growing baby.

We recently had a mother who didn't take care of herself the greatest throughout her pregnancy, but was determined to have a homebirth. She was committed and her faith in God strong. It was the first time I saw a women hemorrhage. It was nothing that could not be handled in the home, no transfusion required, nothing too emergent, but it was really for me the first time in that situation.

I found that it didn't bother me at all. It was what it was and we did what needed to be done.

We have had a few dystocia where the baby needed a bit more help into this world, but again all things that were managed quickly, efficiently and with love by my midwife. I get freaked out in these situations. Babies to me are so delicate. I don't have personal experience with them. I've babysat. But really most of that was decades or more ago and really doesn't not apply to the newborn, or newly born.

My sense of trust in women comes from being one. Knowing how strong we are.

What I've seen is sometimes it takes birth for a women to find her strength. That may be from an empowering homebirth where there was very little intervention or management, to an empowering response to a cesarean. What ever the cause, women are finding their strength through birth. They are also finding this strength throughout the course of their pregnancy! That is a beautiful sight. Like a blooming flower.

I find myself understanding my path, not through trying to heal my past experiences, but as a protector, educator, activist. With each mother-baby I come in contact with I am empowered. I know that there is a lot I am missing. There is that trinity that I am not currently interacting within.

However, right now I am finding my inner strength, my inner courage, my inner confidence.

I want to thank all the wonderful mothers and babies that have been part of this journey and that have allowed me to humbly attend their birth.