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Thursday, August 20, 2009


So, I have been researching on how I am going to obtain a visa to continue to apprentice under Shell. Some days it looks positive, but as of late not so much. Not really sure where to go from here.

Midwifery isn't exactly at the top of the list when it comes to the government. They say they are hiring midwives, but they make it very difficult. Acknowledging that most of their midwives are educated outside of Canada, there seems to be no easy path to work with a preceptor for a prolonged period of time.

Schools. That is a joke, and not a funny one. UK schools, allegedly the highest standard, comes at a cost of $50,000 to $60,000 at the end of it being an International student. On the other side, I'm blatantly not ELIGIBLE to study at most schools, because their programs are NHS funded. Another hit to a socialized healthcare scheme? Only for us foreign students who are desperately trying to find their way.

Canadian schools not much help. Half the time I can't even reach them...either by email or phone. Understaffed? Typical across Canada. SO what's left?

Risk living illegally yet not on the shoulder of another country? i'm more than capable of supporting myself (along with the help of a very supportive community). Risk losing my national healthcare? Beginning my own fight to follow this path, which has now become such a passion. Not only because I want it for myself, but if I've ever needed a cause to advocate for, this is it.

Keep posted on my upcoming analysis on the state of Midwifery affairs in Canada.

Dire, but hopeful?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

have you posted a new blog?

question was asked, this is written in response.

Ok so much has been accomplished in the last few months. I've FINALLY begun my books studies. something that i should have been doing for ages now. but was so discombobulated before that i needed a bit more guidance.

Of course there have been struggles particularly revolving around my personal life, but they seem to matter less now that i am finally DOING what I've been wanting to do for several years now. Who knows, had i not walked the path i had i may not be where i am...alternatively I could be much further along. that is an unnecessary question though.

I did my first vaginal exam yesterday. yes i just said vaginal. does that make you cringe? I felt a babies head bob on my fingers while still in utero. pretty damn cool if you ask me.

is this a calling? a passion? I don't know. there are definitely women i have met along the way that it is clearly obvious that THIS is what they are supposed to be doing. Alls I know is that this is the first time in years that i am not depressed. None of it grosses me out, though some of it scares the heck out of me and makes me nervous...but that is more a result of Shell throwing me into the deep end.

I wish i had more expereince..more knowledge. either through memorising of all the books i've read or through life experience that has imprinted all that knowledge into me. perhaps i'd feel more confident if i were initiated into the club?

that is all irrelevant when you can comfort a women in her time of need. i may not have all the answers, say all the right things, but I KNOW what comes naturally. you can't fake that, you can't LEARN that. you are BORN that way. all your life expereinces helps to create that empathy. it doesn't matter that i haven't pushed a baby out of my vagina (yes i said it again) or had a surgical birth. but i can sit there and be engaged while other mommas talk about all the issues that surround it. I can cry along with them when they speak of the loss they feel through unfortunate experiences.

does that make it a calling? or my passion? regardless of where this current life lesson takes me. it has been just that a lesson. one that solidifies within my being that this is what i want to do.

i am so grateful for this opportunity.

thank you Shell (and of course Michael who feeds us and brings us coffee)