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Friday, July 22, 2011

searching through transition

Definition of TRANSITION

a : passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change  
b : a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another 
shift in the balance of energy. i'm searching for a new midwife.
three weeks ago i left phoenix for the pacific northwest. 

traveled through joshua tree to the redwoods of california, stumbling through san franscisco into the madness of pride. i met with midwives in oregon. i met maria. i was there when abby turned one. ate decadently with tom and christine. we played backgammon. we built a turkey roost, made cheese and cooked. and baked. i saw a 360 degree fireworks display over puget sound. we milked goats and opened a new garden bed. i met with midwives. listened to a talk on the period of purple crying and went to momma's group. 

i left phoenix with the intent to interview with some midwives in the pnw.  i don't know. i got back from school last session and something had changed. there was a spark within me. i was compelled into forward motion and have found myself in transition. searching for a new teacher.

my life is liminal. i wish i could say i have an answer from my search. i know where i want to go, but my fate is waiting in someone else's hands. i'm torn as to what i should do, but there are other options.  

it's a delicate dance between keeping options open while not burning bridges. 
the trip was fruitful and it was sad to leave. however, the trip back was as lovely as the rest. 
i stopped through oregon, where maria and her family had rented a cabin on the lake near florence. the evening i arrived i went for a canoe ride through the lily pads and the dunes.
it was magical. 
i was given the full coastal experience. tide pools. a little late to see the crustaceans, but there were amazing waves crashing against the jagged rocks erupting from the ocean.

that afternoon we went to the sand dunes and there i was introduced to sandboarding. waxed boards on sand dunes. fun. painful.

the next morning i packed my car and started driving. it was a beautiful through the country. crossed through california, nevada and made it all the way to indio. i ate biscuits and gravy and pulled pork. i slept in a rest stop for a few hours and drove towards phoenix as the sun rose over the mountains. 

i'm home now. still in transition. waiting. working away at my classes and connecting with those i love. the prospect of leaving is absolutely terrifying to me. i was enjoying getting settled into a life here. 
i have worked with amazing women over the past two years. my experience here will last in my heart. it has been imprinted on my soul. 
these were my formative years. how i grew here. as a midwife. as a woman. will stay with me.

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