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Friday, September 21, 2012

panic

this unsettling feeling has been setting in the past few weeks. i haven't really wanted to acknowledge it. but maybe i should just give it a voice and then move on past it.

i'm terrified to be a midwife.
i'm terrified of the responsibility.
the obligation.
not having enough knowledge. not having the answers.
not being able to communicate effectively.
terrified that i don't know where i will practice. i mean. i don't even know what country or continent i will be living in ten months from now. 
terrified that if we do go back to canada that i won't get into the bridging program. that i won't be able to get licensed in canada and all of this was for naught. 
terrified that i won't be a good midwife. 

i think that i  am getting too comfortable in the role of the assistant. i think i am damn good at that. i'm terrified to move to the next level. 

OK. i said. those thoughts can move on now.

as you were. 


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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 21, 2012 at 8:08 AM

    I echo your fears... not as a midwife, but as a young nurse. The feeling never really goes away - sometimes, you just have to dive in and go with what you know. A wise nurse once taught me how to deal when I didn't know the answers. There is a way of saying "I don't know the answer... but I know exactly where I can find out" that somehow satisfies the whole situation.

    Limbo? Make it as graceful as you know how, keep rolling with it, and keep your eyes on the prize.

    You can do it! Admiring your progress from afar ;)

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    1. labrador teaSeptember 21, 2012 at 8:17 AM

      thank you! it's always reassuring that others feels the same. i know on one level that what i am feeling is normal, healthy and most likely good for my development.

      reminding myself of this today: "To achieve something, whether it is a higher degree or the perfection of a technique, one must set his or her goal, and then constantly go after it." - "Those who have pursued their dreams earnestly and strenuously with Indomitable Spirit have never failed to achieve their goals." ~

      - C.H.H

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